Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Finals: Day 3

This may be the worst day so far.

I have a migraine that could end the world, conflict resolution issues, a paper to finish, a final to write tomorrow, a D on a paper from a prof who typically loves my stuff, a complex trying to figure out how I will make theatre a part of my little life, a problem remembering to take my meds, and a perpetual need for sleep.
I am praying for the rapture.
and I don't even believe in the rapture.
I'm going crazy.

I was studying Greek tonight and thought to myself, wouldn't it be lovely if I could turn on montage mode in my life? Like in the movies, I could just turn on a song from the 90s and watch little vignettes of me reading various textbooks, nodding at various teachers' comments, scribbling in various notebooks, figuring out various formulae on whiteboards, all in a span of 30 seconds after which I could sit back and write my exams confidently! Even a romance montage! Or a cleaning and packing montage! I think if I meet my fairy godmother tonight, I will wish for a montage mode in my life.

Instead of a rapture.

Finals: Day 2

Woohoo! Well, I handed in Archie's little masterpiece last night and mailed a paper into Todah today. After many many computer issues I was able to copy out and trim and print off my monologue, work it, eat mcdonald's, work it some more, have a little fun time with my Randall and watch Benny and Joon. Would I rather be anywhere else in the world tonight than in the arms of that darling Sam? No. But I am sufficiently content. I will work some more tonight, shower, sleep, and blow my class away in the morning.
Sleep sweet, dear world. I'll see you on the morrow!
p.s. happy birthday, dear Mama xoxo

Monday, April 19, 2010

Finals: Day 1

I've spent most of my day indoors, avoiding eye contact with the take-home I need to hand in by midnight tonight. Bad life choice, but they say to pursue what you're good at and I'm good at procrastinating. And making bad life choices. But that's for another blog. I think.

I went for a procrastinatory walk this afternoon around four to drop some borrowed books off at my prof's office and I was transported by the very air back to my childhood. With no breeze, the air was thick and warm and still; it could have been water in my Nana's pool on a perfect summer evening ten years ago. I walked slowly, breathed slowly, and let the deep air wrap around my legs like a watery blanket. It even smelled like summer at my Nana's house, and for the first time in quite a few conflict-ridden and painful years, I wished I could be back in the field behind her house on the highway hunting for bullfrogs; on her back deck feeding our chipmunk, Charlie; in her red-carpeted guest room listening to the traffic and her soft snoring on the other side of her thin wall as I fell asleep.

Back in my stuffy little lounge once more, after only a few minutes and a million memories outside, I am trying once more (but not very hard) to think only about this final. It's hard though, with both windows open blowing precious memories my way.